I felt it was time.
When I first began participating in fetish material, I was afraid someone would see, so masks seemed like a great idea. Maybe a relative or family friend would stumble upon one of my videos, attend one of the foot parties. Maybe I would have to endure an awkward silence between us or, to my horror, them saying in a condescending voice, "what, exactly, are you doing?" I was terrified that I would be found out, but I was mostly convinced that my only response would be unacceptable: "I'm having fun. I LOVE IT!" Having to explain anything beyond that, didn't even occur to me. I was reluctant to believe that what I wanted and enjoyed would be good enough for anyone who asked. Then, it happened.
I believe it was 2005, during the warmer months. A family friend showed up at a foot party and, literally, we avoided one another all night, or I avoided him, at least. I didn't know what to say or if he even recognized me, but I didn't want to risk it. He had watched me grow up, for goodness sake, and I NEVER wore masks to parties. I remember being slightly on edge, walking through the bondage club in my platform heels and strapless dress, wondering if he had any idea who I was. To this day, I have no clue if he did. When he finally left, I felt such relief and continued the evening at ease. It wasn't until later, when I discussed it with a trusted party goer that I realized, this is OUR little secret. If he were to mention seeing me, he would have admitted to his own fetish, attending the party and possibly even watching my videos. We would both be found out! (I still chuckle to myself as I think about this phase of my transition from secretive to proud.)
That was the beginning of the end of the masks for me. I decided that if anyone were to see me, it would be because they shared my interests. My hesitation slowly turned a bit more into anticipation. My previous maybes turned to maybe I will have someone to relate to, share the excitement with. Maybe I could learn from someone and develop into a better goddess. Maybe...maybe it's better for people to know I am Desire. I had also communicated with several fans by this point, all incredibly shy and closeted with their love of feet, trampling and other forms of domination. Maybe embracing Desire could help some of them grow more confident in their fetish(es)/interests, too. At the very least, my confidence could encourage them to share their full selves with a significant other. These are the thoughts that changed my perception of the fetish world, the Queendom I could see unfolding at my feet. I wanted to live out loud with all my passions, my goddess life included.
My boyfriend at the time witnessed every moment and already knew. He escorted me to sessions, took random photos at video shoots and even provided security at foot parties. He didn't engage in the fetish lifestyle at all, unfortunately, but was always there in support. I shared bits and pieces with closest friends as my comfort level increased and, suddenly, found myself welcoming some into videos and foot parties with me. I felt it all coming together and stopped doubting myself. My initial brand, "Desire Reigns," emerged from this. I filmed my first couple of videos without the mask, still with little Nina at my feet, in 2006: "Desire Reigns" and "Succulent Seduction."
I was thrilled to be rid of those masks. They were suffocating me.
"Every next level of your life will demand a different you."
Are you a fan of my days with Dark Knight Films? Can you remember the title of the very first video you watched? Leave a comment or question for me below and don't forget to subscribe to see all my future posts ♥
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